Monday, November 23, 2009

Is this too gruesome?

Ok, my brain hurts and I'm stalling instead of writing. So I thought I would post another excerpt from this year's Nano project. Here is a section that I actually like even if it is still a first draft with room for improvement.

As Qatja envisioned her hands around the man’s neck, Qualz jumped up from his seat and leapt across the space separating him from the council member who had just spoken. She let her body relax and she channeled the feel of the skin beneath Qualz’s hands as he choked the life out of the man. Other members of the council began to scream, some tried to pry Qualz off of their peer but found themselves the next victim of his anger.

One of the guards began firing his weapon at the three Draguman. It was a primitive projectile style weapon that was strong enough to knock Qualz off of his feet bruising the muscles under the tough scales, but not strong enough to penetrate and leave lasting damage. Quyl quickly killed the guard and tossed his weapon to the ground. He too had missed the feel of battle. There were ten more Nibiru in the room and he decided to enjoy himself.

Qatja went for the woman first. Her smugness had irritated her and she relished the fear in her eyes as she grabbed a hold of her. Qatja was crueler than Qualz or Quyl. She did not kill the woman quickly with a quick twist of the neck, instead she ran her taloned fingers down the length of her arms until the skin spit open and the blood flowed freely. She inhaled deeply and let the blood flow over her hands. The warm wetness had a sweet smell beneath the tanginess of iron. Qatja brought her fingers to her lips and tasted the blood. It was surprisingly good, and although she would not really eat another sentient being, she found great pleasure in allowing the woman to think that she would. The counsel woman screamed as Qatja ripped her arm out of its socket. She began to cry as it hung limply by her side, held on only by the skin.

“Does it hurt? Oh, I’m so sorry about that. I promise to make it stop soon.” Qatja wanted to relish the feel of the warm blood pumping under the thin skin of the woman’s neck. She had wrapped her hands around the slender neck and she could feel the pulse beating quickly against her thumbs. She began to squeeze slowly and steadily so that she could feel each beat as it struggled to keep moving beneath her until she could feel the windpipe as well. She paused long enough to see the terror building in her victims eyes.

“Qatja don’t play with it that is cruel.” Quyl stood beside her waiting for her to finish.

“Oh, all right.” Closing her eyes she applied enough pressure to close off the air flow and she held it until the pulse stopped.

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Anonymous said...

Now, that is my type of action!! I like it--Qatja is a good villan. I do think this is not seen in the first book though. Maybe consider showing some more of this side to her in the first book.--Nathan

edith said...

AHHH! Gruesome! Good work.

Laura D said...

That is what you need!