I hate to cry in front of people. That is why I don't bear my testimony at church very often, and that is why I keep telling Nathan I will not sing a certain song in sacrament meeting. When the spirit overwhelms me I cry, but it isn't the pretty tears that just flow down your cheeks. I get the red face, sobbing can't breath or speak kind of tears. Not pretty. At all.
So you are probably wondering what brought this topic to my blog. Tonight, Nathan and I attended a youth fireside on dating and preparing for an eternal marriage. We had been asked to "wrap-up" at the end. We've been thinking about that for a week, and we talked about it for hours before we headed to the church. Not knowing what the other teachers were going to talk about also made it hard to plan something, but we both felt very strongly about one thing that we should say. So off we went.
We attended all of the classes, and they were all excellent! So many good things, and the youth amazed me at how well they already knew the standards. Then it was my time to talk and I only had about 3 minutes. (Yes, I know. All you out there who know me are laughing and thinking, "No way in this world could Charity only talk for 3 minutes!" I think I was pretty close.) All I really wanted to say was that the only way to find and prepare for an eternal marriage was to stop looking for it and find out who you are. Once you come to know, to REALLY know that you are a child of a loving father in heaven, then you will know that you are of infinite worth and have the divine right to happiness. The point being--never settle. It is worth waiting for that special person who will respect and love you for who you are, for that person that will encourage you to follow and accomplish your goals.
As I started to talk to these kids, it just hit me. I knew a lot of them, and all I wanted them to know, to feel really, is that they are loved. They are lovable, and Heavenly Father wants them to find joy and happiness. I felt the love of my Heavenly Father. I thought of the women in my life who have not found the joy in marriage that I have. I felt immense gratitude for my husband. How did I get so lucky? I found someone who loves me for who I am--good and bad. He doesn't try to change me, he just loves and accepts me. He is a good man who loves the Lord and who works hard to provide for me and our children. We work together. We don't always agree and sometimes we have to apologize and make up, but because we are both trying to live as Christ taught, we stay close to each other on our path through life.
That is what I wanted for each of those young women and young men sitting in the chapel. I felt with all my heart that Heavenly Father wanted the same thing for them. All of this happened in a second, and after only two sentences of my remarks the tears were starting to flow. Well, mine don't flow, but there they were. I just wish there was some way to take that feeling that filled me and pass it to them. I guess if the only way to try and share our Father's love is to suffer through some ugly tears, it is well worth it.