Sunday, September 28, 2008

Why can't my tears be beautiful?

I hate to cry in front of people. That is why I don't bear my testimony at church very often, and that is why I keep telling Nathan I will not sing a certain song in sacrament meeting. When the spirit overwhelms me I cry, but it isn't the pretty tears that just flow down your cheeks. I get the red face, sobbing can't breath or speak kind of tears. Not pretty. At all.

So you are probably wondering what brought this topic to my blog. Tonight, Nathan and I attended a youth fireside on dating and preparing for an eternal marriage. We had been asked to "wrap-up" at the end. We've been thinking about that for a week, and we talked about it for hours before we headed to the church. Not knowing what the other teachers were going to talk about also made it hard to plan something, but we both felt very strongly about one thing that we should say. So off we went.

We attended all of the classes, and they were all excellent! So many good things, and the youth amazed me at how well they already knew the standards. Then it was my time to talk and I only had about 3 minutes. (Yes, I know. All you out there who know me are laughing and thinking, "No way in this world could Charity only talk for 3 minutes!" I think I was pretty close.) All I really wanted to say was that the only way to find and prepare for an eternal marriage was to stop looking for it and find out who you are. Once you come to know, to REALLY know that you are a child of a loving father in heaven, then you will know that you are of infinite worth and have the divine right to happiness. The point being--never settle. It is worth waiting for that special person who will respect and love you for who you are, for that person that will encourage you to follow and accomplish your goals.

As I started to talk to these kids, it just hit me. I knew a lot of them, and all I wanted them to know, to feel really, is that they are loved. They are lovable, and Heavenly Father wants them to find joy and happiness. I felt the love of my Heavenly Father. I thought of the women in my life who have not found the joy in marriage that I have. I felt immense gratitude for my husband. How did I get so lucky? I found someone who loves me for who I am--good and bad. He doesn't try to change me, he just loves and accepts me. He is a good man who loves the Lord and who works hard to provide for me and our children. We work together. We don't always agree and sometimes we have to apologize and make up, but because we are both trying to live as Christ taught, we stay close to each other on our path through life.

That is what I wanted for each of those young women and young men sitting in the chapel. I felt with all my heart that Heavenly Father wanted the same thing for them. All of this happened in a second, and after only two sentences of my remarks the tears were starting to flow. Well, mine don't flow, but there they were. I just wish there was some way to take that feeling that filled me and pass it to them. I guess if the only way to try and share our Father's love is to suffer through some ugly tears, it is well worth it.


Caitilin said...

Charity, your tears were beautiful tonight. Your topic was so dead-on; each one of those youth needed to hear those words: "find out who you are first". I even appreciated it, because I still think there's some of me that I don't know yet. (make sense?!) Anyway, thanks for your good words (and Nathan's too). It was a great night all around. :)

Anonymous said...

It may have been short and tear filled, but I have no doubt the youth listened to what you said! You did a great job.

Nathan said...

I was the anonymous comment :)

Jenny said...

I am sure you did a good job! I know what you mean though. I am the same way but I usually manage to slip up on some of my wording and end up saying something really dumb. Example, when Matthew and I first got married we got asked to spend at some younth fireside. I was horrified about it. My turn came I went up, the tear started coming (not because of the spirit, I was terrified!) and then I said, "I would not trade Matthew for a really cute guy!" Okay, what did that have to do with anything? Where did that come from? Poor Matthew. He laughed about it and made some funny comment about it when he got up and everyone laughed. (I didn't even realize I said it) I felt so dumb and this all happened in front of my new father and mother in law. Not to mention Matthew's little sister. After it was over my mother in law came up and said at one point I thought you were going to pass out! ISn't that awful, that is how a came across to these poor youth, like a freak case! I am still scared from it to this day! Last time we talked at church I typed up every word so I wouldn't mess up and told the person who asked me to speak, here is my insurance card incase I pass out!!
See, don't you feel better now, Charity! You do just about everything wonderfully! I am sure they all learned a lot and were able to feel your love!

Charity said...

Thanks to all of you. It does make me feel better, but I still don't like to cry in front of people. Jenny, I'm with you. Most of the time when I sit down I'm not sure of what I said and just hope it was understandable.

Laura D said...

I think we all feel that way... I think it is a good think the Lord can fill in the rest for us!